El tigre (Shrek)
by May 16 writer
Summary: This is my spoof remade, with a few changes.
1. Chapter 1

A fishing line lands in a lake at night. It is pulled up into the sky to where the man in the moon is, as mysterious but lovely music plays.

May 16 writer proudly presents.

El Tigre (Shrek)

Once upon a time there lived a lovely princess. But she was under a terrible curse which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in castle guarded by a horrible creature. Many brave knights tried to free her from this dreadful prison but none prevailed. She waited in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss.

"Yeah! Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of-"

Now also living in this land was a boy named Manny. He was a strange creature. He was half human and half cat. A cat hybrid called El tigre, one of the very few left in the world. Yet despite his strange appearance he was actually no different from boys his own age.

But because of how he looked humans feared him and hunted him. Like today, an angry mob was on it's way to his house.

"Here we go again." He said when he saw them out the window. "Show time."

"You think it's in there?" One of them asked.

"Yeah."

"Alright let's get it!"

"Hang on! Do you know what that thing could do to you? "

"Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread."

"Actually." Manny said. "That would be a giant. Now, El tigres. Oh they're much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin."

"No!"

"Shave your livers! Squeeze the jellies from your eyes! Actually it's quite good on toast."

"Back! Beast! Back!" One said waving a torch at him. "I warn ya!"

Manny just snuffed it out. Then without warning he let out a roar which scared them stiff.

"This is the part where you run away." He whispered.

They dropped their weapons and ran away screaming.

"And stay out!" Manny noticed that one of them dropped something. It was a wanted poster. It said, Wanted: Creatures. All freaks of nature are to be turned in. "Weird."


	2. Chapter 2

Meanwhile all mythical creatures were being rounded up and locked away. Among one of them was a skeleton boy named Django.

"Please don't turn me in! I'll never be stubborn again!" Django begged the old woman who was about to sell him. "I can change! Please give me another chance."

"Oh shut up!" The old woman said.

"Next!" The head guard said. "What do we got?"

"This is Davi. He's a little mule hafling." An old man said.

"I'm not a mule! I'm a real boy!" Davi said. But his nose grew long.

"Five shillings for the nerd. Take him away." The head guard said.

"Father! Please! Don't let them do this! Help me!" Davi said.

"Next!"

A farmer came over with a large hairy man.

"This is El Oso. A bear man." The farmer said.

"Okay, that's twenty pieces of sliver for him."

"You can't do this to me man! I'll sue! You'll hear from my lawyer!" He said as he was locked in a cage.

"Next! What do we got?"

"Well I've got a living skeleton." The old woman said.

Django quickly played dead.

"Right? Well that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it." The guard said.

"Oh, go head little fella." She said.

Django didn't move an inch.

"Well?" The captian said.

"Oh he's just nervous, move you boneheaded dolt!"

"That's it! I've heard enough! Guards!"

"No! He's alive! He is!" He grabbed Django and shook him. "See? Alive."

"Get her out of my sight!"

"No! No! I swear! He's alive!" She said as the guards dragged her away.

Django burst out laughing.

"Ha! Ha! See you around grandma!"

But the guards had heard him.

"He can talk?" One said.

"He is alive!" Another gasped.

"Size him!" The captian said.

The guards chased Django into the woods. The skeleton was so desperate to get away that in his haste he accidentally bumped into Manny. He hid behind him when the guards arrived.

"You there! El tigre!" The head guard said.

"Aye." Manny said.

"By the order of Lord Sergio. I am authorized to arrest both you."

"Oh really? You and what army?" Manny said.

The Captian turned around to find his men gone. He screamed and ran away.

"Man! That was incredible." Django said.

"Yeah, whatever."

"You scared the snot out of those guys." He said. "Man it's good to be free."

"Now why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends?" Manny said walking away.

"But I don't have any friends and I'm not going back there by myself. Hey I'll stick with you." He said following him.

Manny turned around and roared into his face.

"Wow! That was scary! But you need some tic tacs or something because your breath stinks."

"Why are you following me?"

"Because I'm all alone."

"Listen! Take a look at me!" Manny said. "What am I?"

"Um...Really furry?"

"No! I'm an El tigre! You know? Terrifying cat monster? Doesn't that bother you?"

"No."

"Really?"

"Really, really. I like you. What's your name?"

"Manny."

"I'm Django."

"Well hello and goodbye."

"Where are you going?"

"Home. Before the villagers ran sack it."

"Ransack? Why?"

"Because they're afraid of me."

"Why? You're just a twelve or thirteen year old kid with fur and a tail?"

"Get away from me!"

"Listen, I don't have anywhere else to go and-"

"And?"

"Can I stay with you?"

"What?"

"Can I stay with you please?"

"Of course."

"Really?"

"No."

"Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak...well, maybe you do. But you gotta let me stay! Please! Please!"

"Okay! Okay! But one night only!"

"Oh thank you! So, where do I sleep?"

"Outside!"

"You mean like a pet? I'm a skeleton not a dog."

"Outside or go sleep with the guards."

"Fine."

That night Manny heard strange scratching nosies in his house. The source of it was a little chubacabra which appeared blind.

"What the?"

Then a coffin with a girl inside was shoved on the table by dwarves.

"Oh no! Dead broad off the table!"

"Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken." A dwarf said.

"Huh?"

He went into his bedroom and found El Oso in his bed.

"What man?"

"I live in a swamp! I put up signs! I'm a terrifying monster! What do I have to do to get a little privacy?"

He grabbed El Oso and threw him out of the house but was shocked to see that his home was inhabited by hundreds of people and creatures.

"Don't look at me! I didn't invite them." Django said.

"Well, gosh no one invited us." Davi said.

"What?" Manny said.

"We were forced to come here."

"By who?"

"Lord Sergio." Said the cactus kid. "He huffed and he puffed and he...sighed an eviction notice."

"Alright! Who knows where this Sergio guy is?" Manny asked.

"Oh I do! I know where he is!" Django said.

"Does anybody else know? Anyone? Please?"

But no one answered.

"Okay fine. Attention all mythical things! I'm going to talk to this guy and get you all off my land."

Everyone cheered. Manny just walked off with Django behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

Now Lord Sergio was a very powerful ruler who despised all creatures but he was also very short and annoying. Makes you wonder why people take orders from him, don't it? Anyway he was dead set on becoming king and ridding the world of creatures.

"That's enough! He's ready to talk." Sergio's men had been torturing a talking a parrot named Señorr Chapi.

"You're a monster!" Chapi said.

"I'm not the monster here! You are! You and the rest of that trash!" He laughed.

"Now tell me! Where are the others."

"Eat me!" The bird said as he spit in his eye.

"I've tried to be fair with you creatures now my patience has reached it's end. Tell me or I'll-"

"No! Not the feathers! Not my feathers!"

"Alright then! Who's hiding them?"

"Okay I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?"

"The muffin man?"

"The muffin man."

"Yes I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane?"

"Well she's married to the muffin man."

"The muffin man?"

"The muffin man!"

"She's married to the muffin man."

"My lord! We found it." Said the head guard.

"Well then bring it in." Sergio ordered. It was a magic mirror that knew everything. "Mirror, mirror-"

"Don't tell him anything!" Señor Chapi said to the mirror.

But Sergio just threw him in the trash.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?"

"Well technically you're not a king." The mirror answered.

"Um Dr. Chipolte?"

He smashed a hand mirror.

"You were saying?"

"What I mean is you're not a king yet but you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess."

"Go on."

"So just sit back and relax my lord. Because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bacholoretts and here they are."

Then three images appeared on the mirror.

"Bacholorett number 1 is a mentally abused shut in girl with who cooks and cleans for her 3 evil stepsisters but she loves sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Please welcome Anita."

"I do love sushi." Sergio said.

"Bacholorett number 2 is a cape wearing girl and although she lives with seven other men she's not easy. Just kiss her dead frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Give it up for Nikita."

"I like her outfit."

"And last but certainly not least. Bacholorett number 3 is a blue haired girl from a tower surrounded by lava but don't let that cool you off, she's a loaded pistol who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Put your hands together for Princess Frida."

"Well she's pretty."

"So who will it be?"

"I don't know they're all so nice. Okay number 3"

"Lord Sergio you've chosen Princess Frida."

"She's perfect!"

"But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night." The mirror warned.

"I'll do it!"

"Yes but after sunset-"

"Silence! Captain round up your men! We're going to have a tournament."

Meanwhile Manny and Django finally made it to Sergio's kingdom.

"Here we are." Django said.

"Good. Now let's go talk to this Sergio guy."

They entered the kingdom but no one was around except someone handing out flyers.

"Hey you!" Manny called.

When the man saw him he got scared and started running.

"Wait! I'm not gonna eat you! I just wanna talk. Whatever."

"Do you really eat people?" Django asked.

"Okay between you and me I don't eat people that's just a rumor and something I say to scare off hunters."

"Then what do you eat?"

"Rats, mice, birds, fish, rabbits, squirrels, frogs, snakes, basically anything a cat would eat."

"So you would eat kibble."

"No! I mean wild cats."

They continued through town until they reached an area where a fight was being held.

"What is that?" Sergio said when he saw Manny. "It's hideous!"

"That's not very nice." Manny said. "It's just a skeleton."

"Knights! New plan! The one who kills El tigre will be named champion."

"What? Oh come on is this really a good idea?"

The knights approached him.

"Okay you asked for this." Manny said.

He raised his claws and attacked them with Django hitting them off with his guitar.

"The chair!" Cried a woman in the audience. "Give him the chair!"

Soon enough Manny had defeated all of them much to the amusement of the audience.

"Thank you very much. I'm here til Thursday." Manny said.

"We have our winner." Sergio said.

"What! Hold on now! Excuse me Lord Sergio is it? I'm here to talk to you because you dumped a bunch of creatures on my land!"

"Your land? Alright cat boy I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me and I'll give you back your land back."

"What kind of quest?"


	4. Chapter 4

"Okay so we're going to rescue a princess from what? A dragon?" Django asked.

"No. I think it's some type of harpy or something." Manny said.

"Well we have a long walk so how about some travel music?"

"You play that thing and I'll smash it over your head."

"Hmph! Everyone's a critic."

It took them three days to get to the dark castle. When they arrived they found a bridge that hung over a boiling lake of lava.

"Whoa! That's big." Manny said.

"Um Manny maybe I should wait here." Django said nervously.

"Don't tell me you're afraid of heights."

"No I'm just a little uncomfortable walking on a creaky bridge over a river of lava."

"You're already dead nothing can hurt you."

"Yeah nothing except fire and/or lava."

"Just don't look down."

They got on the bridge but Django wouldn't budge so Manny had to push him the whole way.

"Stop pushing me!"

"Then move bone head!"

Eventually they reached the end and went inside the castle. Manny found some armor and put it on for protection.

"Okay we need to find a tower." Manny said.

"I haven't been this scared since I was sold to the circus."

"A circus? What was so scary there?"

"Clowns man! Clowns!"

"Django two things! Shut! Up! Now help me find that tower."

"Okay no problem. I'll look left and you look right."

They both searched around the castle finding ashes, remains, and skeletons.

"So that's what happened to my uncle Frank." Django said.

After awhile Manny found a tall tower.

"I finally found it now all I have to do is climb and- sniff! Sniff! Do I smell strawberry?"

"Manny!" Django came running toward him with something flying after him shooting a laser. He couldn't see what it was because it was so dark but he managed to grab a leg.

"Got ya!" The thing shrieked and started fly higher taking Manny with it. "Whoa!"

It threw him into the tower window right where Frida was. Then it went after Django again.

"No! No! Please don't eat me! I'm nothing but bones! Literally!"

"Shut up! I'm not gonna eat you!" It said in a high feminine voice.

"You aren't? Wait a minute are you a girl?"

A light went on and Django saw that it was a girl.

"Oh thank goodness! I thought you were a monster."

"I am Black Cuervo! But my friends call me Zoe."

"Well nice to meet you Zoe I'm Django."

"Hello Django. Prepare to die!"

"No wait! You can't kill me!"

"Why not?"

"Why not? Oh good question. Um because... You might damage these lovely talons."

"Huh?"

"And your eyes! Yeah they're red but like rubies and I bet you have a great smile."

"Oh really." She giggled.

"Yeah! You are one pretty lady."

She looked at him in a flirtatious way then blew a kiss.

"Whoa! Hang on now. Um you know I should be going. He he! Manny!"

Zoe picked him up and flew away.

"No! Manny! Help!"

Meanwhile Manny started to wake up from his fall. When Frida saw him she quickly tried to make herself look nice and then pretended to be asleep. Manny got up, walked over to her bed, and shook her.

"Wake up!"

"What?"

"Are you Princess Frida?"

"Yes I am. Waiting for a knight to rescue me."

"Oh that's great now let's go!"

"What? But shouldn't you recite a poem or something?"

"Who do you think I am? William Shakespeare?"

"William Shakespeare was a play wright not a poet."

"Whatever."

"Can I at least know your name?"

"Manny."

"Manny? Well take this as a token of my appreciation."

She handed him her hankey.

"Thanks! I really needed this." He said wiping the sweat off his face.

"Oh brother!" Frida groaned.

"Okay now let's go!"

"Well this isn't how I pictured my rescue."

"What do you want from me? I'm just a kid in armor!"

They hurried downstairs then Manny took a left.

"The exit is over there." Frida said pointing right.

"I know but my partner got nabbed by whatever guards you."

"You mean Zoe?"

"It has a name?"

Manny opened a large gate that led to the room where Django and Zoe were.

"Look you seem like a nice girl and a very pretty one too. But we just met and I'm not ready for a physical relationship." Django said. "So why don't we just be friends for a little while?"

"Your cute when you babble." Zoe giggled. She tickled his chin.

"Hey! That is unwanted physical contact!"

"Psst! Django over here." Manny whispered. "Try to think of a diversion."

"I have to go to the bathroom." Django said.

"You don't even have a bladder!" Zoe said.

"I know but I still have to go."

"Fine! Down the hall on the right."

"Thank you." Django quickly ran toward Manny then the two tried to tiptoe away. But Django accidentally knocked over a pot getting Zoe's attention.

"Run!" Manny cried.

They darted upstairs and pulled Frida along as they ran.

"Hi princess." Django said.

"It talks!" Frida gasped.

"Yeah it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!" Manny said.

Zoe chased after them shooting her laser. Thinking fast Manny grabbed a nearby chain and hooked it to a pole.

"You two head for the exit!" Manny said.

He grabbed the other end of the chain and clamped it on Zoe's ankle. Then he took off like a bullet joining Frida and Django as they ran on the bridge. Zoe fired her laser which cut the line on the bridge causing it to fall but the top end still held them. So they climbed up it like a ladder while Zoe just sat there chained up and crying.


	5. Chapter 5

"You did it!" Frida cried happily. "You rescued me! You're amazing! You're wonderful! You're...A little unorthodox I'll admit, but I am so grateful for what you've done for me. You may remove your helmet."

"Uh no." Manny said.

"Why?"

"I... I...have helmet hair."

"I would like to see your face."

"No you wouldn't."

"Then how will you kiss me?"

"What?" Manny said backing into a rock. "That wasn't in the job description."

"Maybe it's a perk." Django said.

"No it's true love." Frida said.

"Wait! You think Manny is your true love?"

"Well yes."

Manny and Django burst out laughing.

"What is so funny?" She asked.

"Let's just say I'm not your type." Manny said.

"Of course you are. Now remove your helmet."

"Look. I really don't think this is a good idea."

"Just take off the helmet."

"I'm not going to."

"Take it off!"

"No!"

"NOW!"

"Okay! Easy, as you command your highness."

Manny gulped nervously and removed the helmet. Frida was not happy with who was under it.

"You're...you're an El tigre."

"Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming?"

"Well yes, actually. Oh no. This is wrong! You're not supposed to be a cat!"

"Princess! I was sent to rescue you by Lord Sergio, okay? He's the one who wants to marry you." Manny said.

"Well, then why didn't he come rescue me?"

"Good question. You should ask him that when we get there."

"But I have to be rescued by my true love not by some tigre and his pet."

"Pet? I am not his pet!" Django said. "I'm a skeleton not a dog!" Django said.

"Look Princess, you're not making my job any easier." Manny said.

"Well, I'm sorry but your job is not my problem." Frida said. "You can tell Lord Sergio, that if he wants to rescue me properly I'll be waiting for him right here."

"Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy. Alright? I'm a delivery boy."

"You wouldn't dare!"

Manny grabbed Frida and flung her over his shoulder.

"Put me down!" She said struggling to get down.

"Ya coming, Django?" Manny said holding on to her tightly.

"Yeah I'm right behind you." Django said.

"Put me down! Or you will suffer the consequences!" Frida demanded. "This is not dignified! Put me down! Ughhh!"

She kicked and screamed the whole time he carried her. She would also beat on his back a few times but her punches didn't hurt so he could easily ignore them. Finally she stopped and just hung off his shoulder.

"Okay, here's another one." Django said. "Say there's a chick that digs you but you don't like her that way, now how do you let her down real easy so her feelings don't get hurt and so you don't get burnt to a crisp. How do you do that?"

"Just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you-"

Manny bumped her on the bottom.

"Hey!" She cried.

He just looked at her smugly.

"The sooner we get there the better." She complained.

"Oh you're gonna love it there, it's beautiful." Django said.

"And my groom to be, Lord Sergio? What's he like?"

"Well let me put it to you this way princess." He said putting her down. "Men of his statures are in short supply." He chuckled.

"There are those who think little of him." Django snickered.

"What's so funny?" Frida asked.

"You'll see Princess." Manny said.

"Stop calling me that! I have name! It's Frida."

"Well, Frida...You'll see how interesting your fiancée is tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?!" She gasped. "It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?"

"No. That'll take longer."

"But I'm tiered. The whole escape made me exhausted."

"Sorry, but we're going."

"I need to find some place to camp NOW!"

The boys found a cave for her to stay in.

"Hey over here." Manny called.

"Manny! We can do better than that." Django said. "Now I don't think that's fit for a princess."

"No. No. It's perfect! It just needs a few homey touches." Frida said.

"Homey touches? Like what?" Manny said.

"A door." She said getting a piece of bark. "Well good night."

That night Manny and Django built a fire and watched the stars.

"Hey, Manny what are you going to do when you get your land back?"

"Build a ten foot wall around my land."

"Why?"

"To keep people out."

"That sounds pretty lonely."

"I like to be alone."

"What's that about?"

"What?"

"You always wanting to be alone?"

"Never mind Django."

"You're hiding something."

"No I'm not."

"Oh yes you are."

"Django, I'm warning you!"

"Just who are you trying to keep out? Who?"

"Everyone! Okay!"

Frida happened to be listening to the conversation. Luckily, it was so dark that if the boys saw her all they would see were her eyes. Her sliver blue eyes that seemed to be cat-like.

"What's your problem, Manny? What you got against the whole world?" Django said.

"Hey, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me! People take one look at me and scream, Ahhh! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly, monster!" Manny said. "They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone."

Manny sat to the ground and his ears sunk in sorrow. Frida felt terrible for how she treated him. He wasn't a horrible creature he was just a poor kid who wanted to be accepted.

"You know, when we met." Django said sitting next to him. "I didn't think you were a big, stupid, ugly monster."

"I know."


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning Frida woke up before the boys did and decided to walk around. She enjoyed the sunshine and fresh air it was a lovely morning. Suddenly she felt her stomach growl.

"I'm starving." She said to herself.

Then she spotted a canary chirping on a tree branch with a nest next to it. She licked her lips as she watched it then she crept over to the tree and snatched it. An hour later Manny and Django woke up to find Frida cooking over a fire.

"Good morning. How do you like your eggs?" She said.

"Um what's all this for?" Manny asked.

"I'm really sorry for how I acted so I decided to make breakfast."

"Um thanks. Hey these are canary eggs!"

"Is that a problem?"

"No I love canary eggs. You know canaries are really tasty."

"I know and chewy too." Frida said.

The boys looked at her like she was crazy.

"Um I'm assuming they're chewy."

"Okay." Manny went to put out the fire.

"Did you eat a canary?" Django asked.

"No! What would give you that idea?"

Then she coughed up some feathers.

"Manny! Did you see that?"

"See what?"

"Well she...she...never mind."

After breakfast they continued through the woods. On the way Manny burped out loud.

"Manny!" Django said.

"What? It's a compliment. Better out than in."

"That's no way to behave in front of a princess."

Frida burped back.

"Thanks." She said.

"She's as nasty as you are." Django gasped.

"You know you're not what I expected." Manny said.

"Well maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them." Frida said.

She hummed as she walked then out of no where someone just swung by and grabbed her.

"Frida!" Manny gasped.

The person who grabbed her was a guy in an eagle costume.

"What are you doing?" Frida asked.

"Be still Madame. For I am your savior and I'm rescuing you from this furry beast." The guy answered.

"Hey! That's my princess go find your own!" Manny shouted.

"Please monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here."

"Look pal! I don't know who you think you are!" Frida said.

"Oh sorry my name is Carlito you've probably heard of my twin sister Carla."

"Yeah I have."

"And these are my men."

Then a group of boys appeared with weapons. Carlito pulled out a knife and pointed it towards Manny.

"Prepare to die beast!"

The he got knocked out by Frida kicking him.

"Oh you little!" One of his men said. He fired an arrow but Frida dodged it and then she punched him in the face several times. Two of them came after her but she kicked them both in the jaw and she took out the last one with a single punch.

"Shall we?" Frida said.

"Hold the phone." Manny said. "Where did that come from?"

"What?"

"That! That was amazing! Where did you learn that?"

"Well when one lives alone one needs to learn these things in case there's uh- there's an arrow in your butt!"

"What? Oh how did that get in there?"

"Oh no!"

"What's wrong?" Django asked.

"Manny's hurt."

"Oh no! He's hurt! He's gonna die!"

"Django calm down if you wanna help Manny run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red throns." Frida said.

"Blue flower, red thorns! Okay I'm on it! Blue flower, red thorns! Don't die Manny and if you see a dark tunnel stay away from the light."

"Django!" They both said.

"Oh right!"

"What are the flowers for?" Manny asked.

"For getting rid of Django. Now you hold still and I'll just yank this out."

"Ow! Hey! Easy with the yanken!"

"I'm sorry but it has to come out."

"No it's tender!"

"Don't move!"

"Okay time out!"

"Would you- okay what do you propose we do?"

Django had found a bush with the flowers.

"Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color blind."

"Ow!" Manny shouted.

"Hold on Manny! I'm coming!"

"Ow! Not good!" Manny groaned.

"Okay I almost have it out." Frida said.

Manny flipped over and knocked Frida on top of him. They both blushed at the close contact.

"Ahem!" Django said.

"Um nothing happened!" Manny said shoving Frida off him.

"Look if you wanted to be alone all you had to do was ask."

"Oh come on that's the last thing on my mind. The princess was just- Ahhhhh!"

Frida had yanked the arrow out of his butt.

"Owwwwww!" He said quietly.


	7. Chapter 7

Manny, Frida, and Django traveled a long way. During the trip they became closer and by they I mean Manny and Frida. They talked for hours and during their conversations they found out they had a lot more in common than they thought. But all too soon they arrived at Sergio's kingdom.

"Well here we are." Manny said sadly. "We better be going."

"Yeah I guess but I'm concerned." Frida said.

"About what?"

"About...Django."

"What?"

"Well look at him he doesn't look so good."

"What are you talking about? I'm fine." Django said.

"Well that's what they all say."

"Oh yeah." Manny said getting the idea. "You know she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?"

"Well I didn't wanna say anything but I have this crick in my neck." Django said. "See?"

"Who's hungry?" Manny asked. "I'll find us some dinner."

"I'll get the firewood." Frida said.

"Hey where are you going?" Django asked. "Oh man! I can't even feel my toes." He looked down. "I don't have any toes!"

They stopped by an old shack to rest. Manny had caught some rats and roasted them over a fire. To his surprise Frida actually liked it.

"This is good." She said. "This is really good. What is this?"

"Weed rat."

"No kidding? Well this is delicious."

"Thanks."

"Better than what I had to eat."

"What did you eat in that tower?"

"Just bread, slop." She said. "An occasional bird or mouse." She whispered.

"I also do squirrel, fish, and frog."

She giggled then looked at the kingdom.

"I guess I'll be dinning a little differently tomorrow night." She said.

"Maybe you can visit me some time."

"I'd like that and you could visit me."

"I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"Well in case you haven't noticed. I don't exactly fit in society."

"You know I think you're more than just scary monster."

"And I think you're more than a pretty Princess."

They smiled at each other, their hands accidentally touched.

"Man! Isn't this romantic?" Django interrupted. "Just look at that sunset."

"Sunset!" Frida gasped. "Oh no! It's late! I really should be getting to bed."

"What?" Manny said.

"Oh I see what's going on here. You're afraid of the dark." Django said.

"Yes! That's it! I'm terrified." She went to go inside but not before giving Manny one last smile. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." He said smiling back.

She went inside. Django looked at Manny suspiciously.

"Now I know what's going on here."

"What are you talking about?" Manny asked.

"Hey don't lie to me. I know you two are digging on each other."

"You're crazy! I'm just taking her back to Lord shorty."

"Oh come on just tell her how you feel."

"There's nothing to tell." Manny said. "Besides even I did- I'm not saying I do cause I don't. She's a human and I'm..."

"A cat?"

"Yeah." He walked off.

"Hey where you goin?"

"To get...more firewood."


	8. Chapter 8

"Frida?" Django asked as he entered the heard creaking noises and other sounds. "Frida, where are you?"

Suddenly something fell off a shelf.

"Ahhh!"

"No! No! No!" It said.

"Help!" Django shouted.

"Shhh!" It said.

"Manny! Manny!"

"Django! Shush!"

"What did you do with the princess?"

"Django I am the princess." She said. "It's me in this body."

"Oh my God! You ate the princess!" He gasped. "Can hear me?" He called to her stomach. "Keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! Manny! Mann-"

Frida clapped his mouth shut.

"This is me." She said.

He took good long look at her. It was Frida but she was completely different. She had fangs, claws, blue fur, blue cat ears, and a blue tail.

 **(Basically, she looks like she did in that episode except her fur is blue and her shirt is white.)**

"Frida? What happened to you? You're uh...well...different."

"I'm ugly! Okay?!"

"Well yeah, was it something you ate? Cause I told Manny those rats were a bad idea."

"No! I've been this way for as long as I can remember." She sighed. "By night one way by day another this shall be the norm, until you find true love's first kiss. Then take love's true form."

"What does that mean?"

"It's a curse. When I was little girl a witch cursed me. By day I'm a human but at night when the sunsets I turn into a creature called La tigressa."

"La tigressa?"

"A female El tigre. Every night I become this." She looked at her reflection in water. "This horrible, ugly, beast!"

She smacked her reflection.

"I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Sergio, tomorrow! Before the sun sets and he sees me! Like this!"

She started to cry.

"Alright, alright, calm down." Django said. "You're not that ugly...Well, I ani't gonna lie you are ugly but you only look like this at night. Manny's ugly twenty four seven."

"But I'm not supposed to look like this."

"Frida. How about you don't marry Sergio."

"I have to."

"But you know you're kind of a cat. And Manny...well you got a lot in common."

Outside Manny had picked a flower for Frida and had decided to tell her how he felt. But not being the romantic type he was nervous and decided to practice.

"Frida...Frist of all how's it going? Good? Great! So I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty...I don't really like it but I thought you might like it cause you're pretty but I like you anyway and I...uh...I'm in trouble."

He was a nervous wreck but after thinking it over he decided to confess.

"You can do this, just go in there and tell her. She may scream and runaway but...Come on I'm not that ugly? Am I?"

A mirror hanging outside shattered when he looked into it.

"Oh! Who asked you?!" He said breaking it more.

He walked up to the door and took a deep breath.

"Okay...here we go."

He was just about to knock when he heard them talking.

"Who could love a creature so hideous and ugly?" He heard Frida say. "Django I have to marry my true love. That's just the way it has to be."

Manny assumed that she was talking about him so he was heartbroken by this. Hurt, he threw down the flower and ran away.

"It's the only way to break the curse." She told Django.

"Well, you at least have to tell Manny the truth."

"No! You can't breathe a word! No one must ever know."

"What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?"

"Promise you won't tell! Promise!"

"Alright I won't tell him. But you should." He went outside. "Before this is over I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious threaby. Look at my eye twitching!"

Frida looked outside and found the flower Manny had left. All night she pondered weather or not she should tell him.

"I tell him." She said plucking the petals. "I tell him not, I tell him, I tell him not."

Then she just dropped it and ran to the door.

"I tell him!" She cried. "Manny! Manny! There's something I wanna-"

But the sun was rising and she turned back into a human. Manny arrived seconds later looking angry.

"Manny." She said. "There's something I need to tell you."

"Don't bother! I heard the whole thing last night!" He snapped.

"You heard all that?"

"Every word! Especially the who could love a creature so hideous and ugly part!"

"Wait! Manny, I think you misunderstood it. Please let me explain-"

"I don't want to hear it! I don't hang around humans especially stuck up, vain, royals like you."

Now it was her turn to be hurt. Then Lord Sergio and his men arrived.

"Princess Frida." He said.

"As promised." Manny grunted.

"Here you go tigre! The deed to your land. Now leave before I change my mind." Sergio said.

Manny snatched the deed and started stomp off.

"Forgive me Princess, for startling you but I have never seen such a radiant Beauty. I am Lord Sergio."

"Lord Sergio? Oh no, forgive me. I was just saying a SHORT!... Farewell."

"Oh that is so sweet. You don't have to waist good manners on him. It's not like it has feelings."

"Alright what did I miss?" Django said waking up.

"Princess Frida." Sergio said. "I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?"

She looked back at Manny secretly hoping he would say something.

"Lord Sergio, I accept." She said reluctantly.

"Excellent! I'll start the plans! For tomorrow we Wed!"

"No!" She cried.

Manny looked back secretly hoping she had changed her mind.

"I mean...why wait? Let's get married today before sunset." She said.

"Oh, anxious are we? You're right! The sooner the better! There's so much to do."

Frida left with them while Manny headed back home.

"Manny what are you doing? You're letting her get away." Django said.

"Yeah so what?"

"Manny there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night-"

"I know you talked to her last night! You're great pals aren't ya?! Now why don't you just follow her home?!"

"But-"

"Listen! We are not friends! I live alone! Me! Nobody else! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking, skeletons!"

He angrily walked off leaving Django hurt.


	9. Chapter 9

Manny walked back to his swamp which had been cleared out. But despite this he was still sad.

 _I heard there was a secret_ cord

 _that David played_

 _and it pleased the Lord_

 _But you don't really care_

 _for music do you?_

 _It goes like this_

 _the fourth_

 _the fifth_

 _the minor fall_

 _the major lift_

 _the baffled king_

 _composed it_

 _Hallelujah_

 _Hallelujah_

 _Hallelujah_

 _Hallelujah..._

He thought that having his swamp back would make him happy but now he was actually very sad and his thoughts were only about Frida.

Everyone was gone all that remained were a few things including a mirror. Manny steps on it, shattering it, seeing his reflection in the shards. He looks at his reflection sadly and shamefully.

The scene changes to Frida looking at her reflection in bits of a window frame. She was at Sergio's castle being dressed in a white wedding gown and a sliver veil. Frida always thought her wedding day would be happy but instead she was nervous and a little distracted. She couldn't help but think about Manny.

 _Baby I've been here before_

 _I know this room_

 _I've walked this hall_

 _I used to live alone_

 _before I knew you_

 _I've seen your flag on the marble arch_

 _love is not a victory march_

 _it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah_

 _Hallelujah_

 _Hallelujah_

 _Hallelujah..._

Manny picked up a flower that looked like the one he had picked for Frida. He clutched it as he thought of her, he couldn't get her out of his mind, then he threw it down.

Frida was waiting for the wedding start but she was in no hurry, as she waited she saw a suit of armor that reminded her of Manny.

Django walked by a nearby river and sulked. Then he noticed someone crying, it was Zoe. She had escaped the tower and was sobbing.

"Zoe?" He asked.

"What do you want?" She said.

"Oh no. Don't cry." He handed her a tissue. She wiped her tears away. "You know you're really pretty when your'e not trying to kill anyone."

She smiled at him.

 _All I ever learned from love_

 _was how to shoot at_

 _someone who_

 _Outdrew you_

 _it's not a cry_

 _you can hear at night_

 _it's not from_

 _someone who's seen_

 _the light_

 _it's a cold and it's a_

 _broken Hallelujah_

 _Hallelujah_

 _Hallelujah_

 _Hallelujah..._


	10. Chapter 10

Manny missed Frida so much but was too stubborn to admit it. He and Frida were both miserable and heartbroken. Try as they might they just couldn't be happy with their new lives.

"Django?" Manny said when he saw him outside. "What are you doing?"

"I came to talk to you."

"I have nothing to say to you! So beat it!"

"No! You're gonna shut up and listen to me!"

Manny just walked away from him but Django, determined not to give up, followed him.

"Come back here! I am speaking to you!" Django demanded.

"Leave me alone!" Manny said going inside the outhouse.

"Sure! Be mean to me all because you're afraid of your own feelings!"

"Go away!"

"There you go again! Pushing me away! Just like you did to Frida and all she did was like you. Maybe even love you."

"Love me?! She said I was ugly! A hideous creature! I heard the two of you talking!"

"She wasn't talking about you she was talking about...uh...somebody else."

He came out of the out house.

"She wasn't talking about me? Then who was she was talking about?"

"Oh no! You wanted me to go away! I ain't talking!"

"Django..." He sighed. "I'm sorry I guess I really am just a big ugly stupid monster. Can you forgive me?"

"What's to forgive? We're friends, right?"

"Right! So what did she say about me?"

"What are you asking me for? Why don't you ask her yourself?"

"The wedding!" He gasped. "We'll never make it in time."

"Never fear. Where there's a will there's a way." He whistled. "Hey baby! Over here!"

Zoe flew down and landed in front of them.

"Manny I'd like you to meet my new girlfriend."

"Uh...hi...please don't blast me." Manny said.

"Relax I forgive you and I'll give you guys a ride." She said.

She picked them up.

"Whoa! You guys are heavey! How much do you weight!"

She flew toward where Duloc was. The wedding was taking place immediately.

"People of Duloc we gather here today to bear witness the union of our new king and queen." The minister said.

"Uh...excuse me." Frida said. "Could we just skip ahead to the I do's?"

"Go on." Sergio said.

When Zoe landed she frightened everyone away. Manny headed for the chapel.

"Go ahead and look around babe." Django said. "If we need you I'll whistle."

She flew off, Django ran after Manny.

"Manny! Hey! Wait!" He said. "Look, you wanna do this right don't you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"There's a line! There's a line! The priest is gonna say speak now or forever hold your peace and that's when you say I object."

"Oh I don't have time for this!"

"Wait! What are you doing? Listen to me!" He said pinning him against the door. "Look you love this woman don't you?"

"Yes."

"You wanna hold her?!"

"Yes!"

"Please her?!"

"Yes!"

"Then you got to! Got to! Try a little tenderness. The chicks love that romantic crap."

"Alright cut it out! When does this guy say the line?"

"We gotta check it out."

Manny tossed Django up and down to see what was happening.

"And so by the power invested in me." The priest said.

"What do you see?" Manny called.

"The whole town's in there." Django anwsered.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife." The priest said.

"They're at the alter." Django said.

"If any one objects?"

"Fletchy! He already said it."

"Oh for the love of Pete!" Manny said.

He burst through the doors.

"I object!" He shouted.

"Manny?" Frida said surprised.

"Oh now what does he want?" Sergio demanded.

The crowd looked at him in shock.

"Hi everybody." Manny said nervously. "Having a good time are ya? I love Duloc, first of all. Very clean."

"What are you doing here?" Frida asked.

"Really it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you. But showing up uninvited to a wedding." Sergio said.

"Frida, I need to talk to you." Manny said.

"Oh now you wanna talk?! Well it's a little late for that so if you'll excuse me."

"But you can't marry him!"

"And why not?"

"Because...because he's just marrying you so he can be king."

"Outrageous!" Sergio said. "Frida don't listen to him."

"He's not your true love!" Manny said.

"And what do you know about true love?!" Frida said.

"Well I...uh...I mean."

"Oh this is precious." Sergio laughed. "El tigre has fallen in love with the Princess! Oh good Lord!"

Everyone burst out laughing at him. Manny blushed and his ears sunk with embarrassment.

"Manny? Is this true?" Frida asked.

He looked at her and nodded.

"Who cares? It's ridiculous!" Sergio said. "Frida, My love. We're at a kiss away from our happily ever after, now kiss me!"

Looked out the window and bit her lip as she looked at the sun. It was getting late soon she would change.

"By night one way by day another." She sighed. Frida looked at Manny. "I wanted to show you before."

She walked toward the middle of the room, Manny tried to follow but she signaled him to stay. When the sun began to set dust surrounded her body and she turned into La tigressa. The crowd gasped, the minster choked and spat out his drink, and a maid fainted. Manny was shocked but he now understood what she meant.

"Well...uh...that explains a lot."

"Ugh! It's disgusting!" Sergio said. "Guards! Guards! I order you to get them out of my sight! Get them both!"

"No! Manny!" Frida cried.

"Frida!"

Half of the guards grabbed Manny and held him down while the rest dragged Frida away. Manny and Frida reached for each other but the guards separated them.

"This hocus pocus alters nothing!" Sergio said. "This marriage is binding! And that makes me king! See! See!"

"No! Let go of me!" Frida said. "Manny!"

"No!" Manny started to claw the guards off him. "Get out of my way! Frida!"

"I'll have you drawn and quartered!" Sergio ordered.

"No! Please!" Frida pleaded.

"And as for you my wife." He said holding a knife to her neck.

"Frida!" Manny cried.

"I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days." Sergio said.

Manny broke his hand free and whistled. Zoe burst through the window and blasted Sergio to pieces.

"Ahhh!"

"Alright nobody move!" Zoe said.

"Yeah I've got a girlfriend with a laser and I'm not afraid to use her." Django said. "I'm a skeleton on the edge!"

The guards released Manny and Frida.

"Celeberity marriages, they never last do they?"


	11. Chapter 11

"Uh...Frida." Manny said to her.

"Yes Manny." Frida said.

"I...I love you."

"Really?"

"Really, really."

"I love you too."

He took her in his arms and they kissed.

"Awww!" The crowd said.

Gold light filled the room and Frida was lifted into the air. Everyone watched in amazement as _the_ light surrounded her and flashed. When the light dimmed she was gently laid back down.

"Frida?" Manny said walking to her side. "Frida? Are you alright?"

He helped her up.

"Well yes. But I don't understand." She said. "I'm supposed to be beautiful."

"But you are beautiful." Manny said smiling.

She smiled back at him.

"I was hoping this would be a happy ending." Django said.

"So...uh...will you marry me?" Manny asked.

"Yes." She answered.

"Today?"

"Why not? I'm in a wedding dress."

They leaned in and shared another kiss. Scene changes to a wedding at the swamp. Everyone attended including Davi, El Oso, Cactus kid, Chapi, Chui, Princess Anita, Princess Nikita, and every other mythical creature.

"I now pronounce you tigre and wife." The priest said.

Everyone clapped and cheered. Manny and Frida took hands and ran to a nearby carriage. As they were leaving Frida tossed the bouquet.

"That bouquet is mine!" Anita said.

"Back off sister!" Nikita said smacking her.

Zoe flew up and caught it.

"I got it!" She squeaked excitedly.

She looked at Django and started to mercilessly kiss his face over and over.

"What a woman!" He said with purple lipstick smeared on him.

Then he and the dwarves grabbed some instruments and started playing.

"Come on y'all!" He said.

 _"Then I saw her face! Now I'm a believer._

 _Not a trace..._

 _A doubt in my mind, I'm in love_

 _Oooh..._

 _I'm a believer I couldn't leave her_

 _If I tried."_

Everyone grabbed a partner and danced.

" _Then I saw her face..._

 _Now I'm a believer! Hey!_

 _Not a trace._

 _A doubt in my mind._

 _One more time!_

 _I'm in looooove!_

 _I'm a believer..._

 _Come on!_

 _I believe! I believe!_

 _I believe! I believe!_

 _Hey! Ya'll sing it with me!"_

"I believe!" They chanted. "I believe!"

"The people in the back!" Django said.

"I believe! I believe! I believe!"

Manny and Frida waved goodbye as they rode off to their honeymoon and of course they lived happily ever after.

" _I believvveeee!" They all sang._

 _"_ I can't breathe! I can't breathe!" Django panted.

Narrator: "How can you breathe? You're dead."

"Hey I just sang a whole number!" He said. "If I had lungs they'd burst."

 **Hi everyone I hope you like the remake of this story. If you didn't fine by me just don't be rude.** **I have the trailer of this shrek spoof uploaded on YouTube.**


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